Fare Evasion

I delight in subways. Any town with an underground train is by the very addition a delightful place. So when I say that Washington, DC has my least favorite of all subways, be aware that that is like saying black walnut is my least favorite flavor of ice cream. It's ice cream, you see, and even the worst is wondrous. But, to subways.

In Chicago, regardless of where you wish to go, it costs a flat rate to ride the train. Not so in Washington. Different stops require a different fare, and this chart of charges seems as haphazard as a rope bridge in an Indiana Jones film. Anyway, so when you board the train, you run your fare card through the little machine, and when you exit you do the same, only it calculates how much your ride costs and then deducts the value. But, let's say your ride costs $2.10 and your card has a $1.95 value. What do you do? Well, you have to get out of line and go to another machine and put in the .15 cents before being allowed to leave the station.

I see what you are wondering-- what happens if you perchance to be out of cash? Well, you are expected to live permenantly in the subway station, of course. This happened to me recently.

Without change, with my useless debit card and unwilling to live in the tunnels forever, I made sure no one was watching and jumped the two foot barrier seperating me from freedom. And, of course, bumped into Angry Station Worker.

"What are you doing? That is Fare Evasion!" He cried.
"It want's .15 cents. The ATM won't accept my debit card and I don't have any cash on me."
"Did you know that Fare Evasion carries a fine of $50,000 and is illegal?" Came his retort.
"Well, is panhandling illegal, because it's my only option for getting any change."
"This is not about panhandling!" He shouted, growing frantic and red-faced. "This is about FARE EVASION. FARE EVASION! Give me your fare card."

I gave him my fare card and he sent me on my way, with stern warning that should this happen again I would be fined and taken to jail. After all, Fare Evasion is illegal.

I walked away witht he valuable knowledge that the District of Columbia would rather fill it's subway tunnels with beggars that charge a flat rate to board a train, like any rational city.