Tuesday, February 24, 2009
Humdinger
Wednesday, February 4, 2009
Record Lows
For the past three weeks, our house on Ithaca street has been without any warmth. My roommate Jeana neglected to pay the gas bill, and, as a result, the gas was turned off. That's not, I suppose, a big deal... shit happens, and I myself have been broke and without cash for necessities at times as well. So there is no central heat, no hot water and no way to use the oven or range or dryer. We get by without these things-- she goes to her family who conveniently live nearby and I... cope accordingly. This whole situation is reportedly going to be rectified on Friday, at which time the past due notices will be paid and the gas will be returned.
With that healthy dose of background information doled out, now I get down to the point: this morning, when I awoke, it was the coldest yet it's been inside the house. The useless thermostat read 55. I don't know what the temperature was outside; inside, it has since risen steadily to 60. Having no reason to go outside today, I haven't. I slept until three in the afternoon because it was a way to kill the time. I've stayed mostly in my bedroom where a space heater noisily and diligently heats the space. I've tottered around the house a bit in a hoodie and layers. I feel mildly unwell, with a runny nose and a cough, but nothing that aggressively puts upon my day; anyway, it's become standard. I've been that way for two and a half weeks.
Thankfully we live in New Orleans, where the weather is generally agreeable. It's not nearly as cold here as it is in, say, Chicago, or Missoula, or Anchorage. Considering I'll be arriving in Anchorage towards the end of their winter, where, I've been helpfully informed, "the temperature generally stays above freezing in the daylight", I realize I need to buy some warmer winter clothes, something I've never really had to do because I've mostly lived in warmer southern climates. I remember visiting Chicago in March and being generally unhappy about the snow and the cold. At least I can look forward to the theoretical hum of a heater inside my cabin at Denali.
Tuesday, January 27, 2009
Suicide Tuesday
I find myself, here on this Suicide Tuesday, alive... vaguely. Not dead, not permanently maimed, not mindlessly vacant and wandering the streets panhandling for change and wrestling dogs for scraps like a psychotic. My eyesight is almost entirely back to normal. I have, more than once, had the energy to get out of bed. I had the urge to eat something-- not much, but baby steps, of course. I'm yet to be able to gain an erection, but I'm sure that skill will return in time, and besides... I don't have the energy for one now anyway. Yes, it was quite a weekend.
I was feeling whimsical after work on Saturday, when we all headed deliriously over to Amps with giant styrofoam letters left at the bar from the private birthday party we had just finished hosting. I had little interest in spending my hard earned money on a drug I was tired of, as I am fairly tired of cocaine, and instead tried a little harder and got four hits of ecstasy for the same price. Yay.
So, the rest of the night and most of the morning was spent rolling about the French Quarter. My initial instincts had been to hookup, but that proved impossible in my attention-deficit state, coupled with the fact that it was about 8am. Noonish, I went by the bar to retrieve a bag I had left the night before, made my self a triple and wandered out to catch the bus back to Meitaire.
None of this is the problem, really. In fact, I was very happy throughout the previously mentioned adventures, as MDMA is wont to make someone be. In fact, throughout my experimentation, X is definitely my favorite illicit substance. It's just so overwhelming yet clear. So complete and intoxicating and still something one can somewhat function on and be out in something similar to a version of public. The problems began when I got home, wasn't the least bit sleepy, was still rolling a bit, and started drinking on an empty stomach.
I drank all day Sunday. Jeana got home and took me out to a bar for a drink or two after she got off work. I came home and continued drinking. I passed out sometime around 3 in the bathroom. Sometime around 5 I relocated to my bed. I woke up around noon (yes, still rolling a bit) and fixed myself a bloody mary, followed by a screwdriver. This is, I will admit, where awkward decisions were made on my part. Some people may know that certain kinds of cough syrup and most types of allergy pills will, when taken in unrecommended quantities will make you pleasantly (or unpleasantly, depending on your disposition) wrecked. So, going to CVS to procure these drugs were not a good idea. Taking an entire bottle and box of both substances whilst still on a bit of a roll and steadily consuming vast amounts of alcohol was a stupendously bad idea. I did, however, have quite a time while I could both stand and stay awake. I passed out in the vicinity of 11(pm) on Monday and awoke about 6(pm) on Tuesday. Most of the preceding was written on Wednesday.
So, yes, preach if you must... I guess I could have died and that it is a grand miracle that I'm alive. I did, however, have buckets and buckets of fun. As I'm conscience to write this, I say even trade.
Sunday, January 18, 2009
Orpheus
Saturday, January 17, 2009
Time Well Wasted



Wednesday, January 14, 2009
The American Dream
I have seen the dewey fruition of the American Dream-- the grand, glowing catharsis that is all that this country wishes to be and the perfect example of our can-do spirit. I have been there, and you can go there, too. This is Laughlin, Nevada. But let's be precise: American Dream is not in Laughlin, it is Laughlin, perched in neon splendor upon the Colorado River.
But this post is not about Laughlin and why it is the American Dream-- that post will have to wait until I perhaps visit there again (and, great God, how I want to visit that mystical place again). No, this post is about something I saw today, something I experienced first-hand, fully-immersed in the experience but always the constant outside observer. Today I saw not the American Dream, but the clawing, fighting, brutal struggle to achieve it, against all odds, through hellish circumstance, desperate attempts to plant personal flags in the fertile soil of our national mythology.
I went with my friend and roommate to Delgado Community College to keep company while she registered for the upcoming semester under the assumption it would take 30 or so minutes. It did not-- it took hours. First we stood in a long line a swelteringly hot room-- these people directed us to another line, even longer, located in a hallway. Upon reaching the front of the hallway line, we were told there was a problem, we could not be helped by these people; to go stand back in the original line. We stood there (it was shorter this time), and upon reaching the front, were directed to a computer where we filled out some online forms. Then we went back to the line, stood in it again for some time, and at the front were handed an index card with the number 26. There were 100 index cards potentially awaiting circulation-- as we tried to find a seat they called number 93. Thus queued, we waited in the sweltering hot room for one tired woman to process the 32 people ahead of us.
As not a post about Laughlin, Nevada this is also not a post about inefficieny, but instead about the people I witnessed and watched as I waited in these lines. Everyone seemed to be undergoing similar troubles, hopping about between these long lines and waiting in this oppressively hot room, and yet... the grumbling was almost non-existant. Yes, of course, there was some overheard here and there in snatches of cellphone conversations and drifting from our own mouths, but over-all... none.
Here were people waiting patiently in this glorious unpleasantness to better themselves, and damn grateful for the opportunity. Here were people struggling to gain the rights to a piece of paper that would allow them the wages necessary to live in their houses, to drive their cars, to pay for the daycares for the children they were forced to bring with them on this particular day. Here were people looking to learn a trade in plumbing or welding, to become a teacher, to become a nurse; to learn actual skills apart from the useless liberal arts, things more important than English literature or film studies.
So I watched these people standing in lines attempting to do what, as Americans, we are trained to do. To improve ourselves, to reach for the stars, to do better in this life than our parents ever had the opportunity to do. Isn't that the American dream.
A close friend of mine told me some years ago that she could explain the ills of our generation, and I think she made quite an argument. Modern American society has always been about outdoing our parents, about being richer and more successful than they ever could, yet, our parents reached the pinnacle. It's impossible now to do better than the parents that run the country, to be more successful or richer than the partners, CEO, politicians who form the upper-middle class that define America. They've tapped out, leaving their children awash at liberal arts colleges without point or purpose, lethargic and broken.
And I agree with that, for the stereotypical America about which it's written. But as for the real America? The one that doesn't run the country but keeps it running? It is far from the truth. There is still room for betterment and improvement. The American dream still exists for the average American, who, as privelage washes down from the upper classes and out amongst the general population, is finally getting a chance.
Friday, January 9, 2009
On the Canal Line

Every Friday and Saturday I walk down to Veterans Memorial Boulevard and wait for the bus that comes at 8pm. I board the bus and am sometimes the only white face. After 20 or so minutes we arrive at the cemeteries at the base of Canal Boulevard in Orleans Parish where I wait for the Canal Street Car to come and take me into downtown New Orleans. When it arrives I am never the only white face, although sometimes the only white face with anywhere to actually go.
The Canal Line was completed after Hurricane Katrina and comes with a unique line of new red cars. Occasionally one of the green cars traditional to the St. Charles line will be used on this route, and vice versa, but the red and green cars both have their usual niches. I prefer the green cars-- the red cars have been made wheel chair accessible at the expense of aesthetics (although I suppose practicality is more important than beauty), and their seating arrangement, in turn, resembles more a usual city bus than a trolley.
None of this is really the point-- instead, over the past two weeks I have seen two (2) things on this car that have moved me. As follows:
An elderly black man, worn and withered by age, boarded the trolley and sat on the bench-style seats near the front. Several stops later another, much younger black man boarded with his son, around three or four. They were standing in the front of the trolley, next to the elderly man, paying the fare, when the car started with a jolt. The boy stumbled, almost fell. The elderly man, in a natural, habitual way, caught and steadied him. The father, distracted by the operator, hadn't noticed the boy nearly fell nor that he was caught. Once finished in the front, they went and sat down. That was all.
A woman and her son boarded the car. The boy was about 25, 26, challenged-- wearing a pink 'Hannah Montana' sweatshirt designed for, I assume, a pre-teen girl. It was two or three sizes too small, but seemed to make him happy. It was his mother though, that I found the most appealing-- she was in her mid-forties, with the worn, weathered beaten-down face of someone whose lived a hard life of loving something very deeply that was tiring, time-consuming and difficult. I watched her until they departed, both of them waving goodbye to the driver with drama and excitement. I assume they ride that route often-- it is possible they do not.
Sometimes I ponder how I can feel such cynicism and despair at one time and such love and appreciation at another. I usually shrug it off-- it's a wonderful life.
Sunday, December 14, 2008
Red Bull Gives You Wings
It is like a slow ascent to consciousness, like floating up from the bottom of the sea towards the sky above. You realize that you are cold, but you don't know what you can do about it. Next, you realize that you are walking, but it seems natural so you continue. Then it dawns on you that you are outside, but that doesn't seem odd. Finally you come to your senses and realize, with regret and shock, that you haven't the slightest idea where you are. You're wandering around outside, without a jacket, in what appears to be a random suburb filled with unfamiliar houses. This is not your suburb.
You check yourself. You're fairly clean and dry, so you've been on your feet the entire time-- luckily no rolling around in the dewy grass of someone's front yard. You see a Picayune on the ground and are thankful that you are assumedly still in the New Orleans Metro Area. You pick it up and check the date: Sunday. This is right, last night was Saturday. Check your pockets-- your phone is gone. You have your ID, a debit card, and one single dollar. Hope you didn't go to any ATMs whilst you were blacked out.
You pull your arms into your shirt and shiver and walk, and you curse yourself and your situation, staring around dully in disbelief. Finally you stumble onto Veteran's Boulevard, but you're on the south side and far too west. You go into a gas station, looking a fright, and get twenty dollars out of an ATM. You stumble into a nearby sports bar, call a cab, and have a beer while you wait.
You get home and learn several things: you gave your phone to your friend before disappearing, assumedly into a cab. You left the bar around five-- you came to around nine. During four unaccounted hours you spent thirty nine of the forty dollars you don't remember getting out of the ATM. Theoretically, that money went to the cab driver that dumped you in the middle of nowhere. You also realize you don't remember any of the five (5) drinks, four of which were bought for you, you had at the bar before abruptly leaving. Mystery somewhat solved, you cancel all plans for the day and crash hard and long into your bed.
This friends, is a shining example of the absolute empirical evil that is Red Bull. When mixed with vodka, it produces a delicious concoction that will try it's hardest to kill you. While straight booze/beer/wine will dull your mind and body and eventually leave you passed out on the floor/couch/pool table/wherever, Red Bull and vodka will only dull your mind, keeping your body sprightly and alert so that it leaps joyfully into autopilot while your mind passes into shadow.
Experiences don't lie; you have been warned.

