Slurpee. Big Gulp.
These are not pleasant words. Say them to yourself. They sound gross. They sound disgusting, like some sex act you whispered about in Junior High. But like some unpracticed, first time sex act (...for boys, anyway) these things are wonderful.
That's correct, Thank heaven for Seven Eleven.
It's not that they stay open twenty four hours, although that helps. And it's not that they have air conditioning that makes one worshipful. And it's not even the refreshing joys of the afore-mentioned Slurpee and Big Gulp. It's a big, glorious conflation of all three. And more.
It makes me happy to walk in and see some underpaid clerk staring vaguely ahead as some ridiculous customer rambles and bitches on about a nonsensical issue that someone paid twice the counter-help's salary would still be hard-pressed to care about. God knows I've tread there, too. But not anymore. HaHa.
It makes me happy to go there a 3am when the outdoor humidity makes me wish I were dead and ponder the fact that I could buy a burrito and batteries and a chocolate eclair if I wanted. And it makes me even happier when the Spanish clerk doesn't bother me and just lets me hang out for a while.
And it makes me happy to walk in at 1:30 in the afternoon and buy a soda larger than my torso. An 84 ounce Super-Mega-Unbelievably Large Kick-Your-Ass Gulp. Or a 34 ounce slurpee, because anything larger will forever freeze your brain. Slurpee, you taste like air! You are like walking on a cloud of flavorful bliss. And, oh the ecstacy!, how about when you walk in and realize that not only do they have Cherry LimeAide Slurpees, but also Blue Raspberry? HOW IS MORTAL MAN TO MAKE SUCH DECISIONS?!?!? It is too hard. Between the months of April and October I would choose Slurpees over drugs, without hesitation, without question. Which brings around the question of drug-flavored Slurpees. That, I think, must be heaven.
Thank you, Seven Eleven. Nothing else would have me walk a dozen blocks out of my way in the mid-afternoon heat, especially when therre is a CVS on every corner. You are truly the greatest place that exists anywhere in the world. I wish everywhere was a Seven Eleven. I love them.
Saturday, July 5, 2008
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment