Suicide Tuesday

I find myself, here on this Suicide Tuesday, alive... vaguely.  Not dead, not permanently maimed, not mindlessly vacant and wandering the streets panhandling for change and wrestling dogs for scraps like a psychotic.  My eyesight is almost entirely back to normal.  I have, more than once, had the energy to get out of bed.  I had the urge to eat something-- not much, but baby steps, of course.  I'm yet to be able to gain an erection, but I'm sure that skill will return in time, and besides... I don't have the energy for one now anyway.  Yes, it was quite a weekend.

I was feeling whimsical after work on Saturday, when we all headed deliriously over to Amps with giant styrofoam letters left at the bar from the private birthday party we had just finished hosting.  I had little interest in spending my hard earned money on a drug I was tired of, as I am fairly tired of cocaine, and instead tried a little harder and got four hits of ecstasy for the same price.  Yay.

So, the rest of the night and most of the morning was spent rolling about the French Quarter.  My initial instincts had been to hookup, but that proved impossible in my attention-deficit state, coupled with the fact that it was about 8am.  Noonish, I went by the bar to retrieve a bag I had left the night before, made my self a triple and wandered out to catch the bus back to Meitaire. 

None of this is the problem, really.  In fact, I was very happy throughout the previously mentioned adventures, as MDMA is wont to make someone be.  In fact, throughout my experimentation, X is definitely my favorite illicit substance.  It's just so overwhelming yet clear.  So complete and intoxicating and still something one can somewhat function on and be out in something similar to a version of public.  The problems began when I got home, wasn't the least bit sleepy, was still rolling a bit, and started drinking on an empty stomach.

I drank all day Sunday.  Jeana got home and took me out to a bar for a drink or two after she got off work.  I came home and continued drinking.  I passed out sometime around 3 in the bathroom.  Sometime around 5 I relocated to my bed.  I woke up around noon (yes, still rolling a bit) and fixed myself a bloody mary, followed by a screwdriver.  This is, I will admit, where awkward decisions were made on my part.  Some people may know that certain kinds of cough syrup and most types of allergy pills will, when taken in unrecommended quantities will make you pleasantly (or unpleasantly, depending on your disposition) wrecked.  So, going to CVS to procure these drugs were not a good idea.  Taking an entire bottle and box of both substances whilst still on a bit of a roll and steadily consuming vast amounts of alcohol was a stupendously bad idea.  I did, however, have quite a time while I could both stand and stay awake.  I passed out in the vicinity of 11(pm) on Monday and awoke about 6(pm) on Tuesday.  Most of the preceding was written on Wednesday.

So, yes, preach if you must... I guess I could have died and that it is a grand miracle that I'm alive.  I did, however, have buckets and buckets of fun.  As I'm conscience to write this, I say even trade.