It's The End Of The World As We Know It

Ode to joy, today we changed PM systems in the office.  Goodbye Profit Manager.  Hello WebRezPro.  I do not feel fine.

I miss you so very, very much Profit Manager.  I know, I know... there were times when I told you to fuck off, when you just wouldn't operate the way I wanted, when one of the silly little quirks you have would get on my last nerve, but you know what, Profit Manager?  I really loved you.  I knew you like the back of my hand.  You were functional.  I could do anything with you that I needed.  You were a little piece of reliability in an unreliable world.

But oh, WebRezPro!  You are a hot mess.  You are a piece of work, that's what you are!  Have you taken a look at yourself in the mirror lately?  What in God's name makes you think you should dress up and go out on the town disguised as a PM system?  You really shouldn't.  You're like a hot transexual-- you have a few good qualities, but no one wants to take you home.

Did you know, WRP, that it takes me twice, sometimes three times as long to do things with you than with Profit Manager?  Did you know, that being a web-bases program, when our internet shods out, we can't do a goddamn thing but sit around the office and eat candy?  Did you know that your group programming is like a gift from Satan, sent to drive us out of our minds?  There is already so much pressure in our office, WRP!  We are like a boiler overflowing with nerves and angst.  We do not need you bringing anymore nonsense into our professional lives.

What's that you say?  Oh, I see.  You're a remarkably cheap PM system.  You cost half as much as Profit Manager?  Well, fuck.  I guess you get what you pay for.  It's clear the reason you are so cheap, WebRezPro, is because you are shit.  You are a big, steaming pile of horse manure.  You are a tire with no tread.  You are a whore with syphilis.  You are an old sock lying on the side of the highway.

Do you know what I'm doing right now, WRP?  I'm praising karma that I have less than a month left to spend with you, before I leave that office and the grip of terror you have over it.  You may rule them, WRP, but you shan't rule me.

And here's to you, Profit Manager.  You won't be forgotten.