Sick Day Shenanigans

I have the flu.  Last night, I was lying in bed--shivering, feverish, having an obsessive compulsive fit.

My mind kept returning to the loveseat downstairs, the one that reeks of cat urine...it must be removed from my house!

But Josh, you have a fever!  You're in no state or position to drag a heavy piece of furniture outside in the middle of the night!  It matters not!  The thing must go.  

So I get dressed and clumsily stumble around the apartment, tossing the cushions on the floor and getting ready to drag the frame outside and down to the dumpster.  I maneuver the thing outside, shut the door, and pull it awkwardly towards the stairs.

And then, I lose control.  The loveseat, standing up on one end ready to be rolled down the stairs, falls...through the window of the apartment next door!!!

Panic grips me.  A fear more thorough than any I've felt in ages.  How to explain this?  A feverish twenty-something singlehandedly throwing a piece of furniture through a neighbors window at 1:30 in the morning?  Oh.  My.  God.

So, I run.  I flee downstairs and hide in terror in an alleyway while angry screams fill the night air "Whose fucking couch is this?"  "Who threw this fucking couch through our goddamn window?"

I cower for two hours in the cold and muddy, waiting for the screams to subside and peace to return to the night.  Finally, when I think it safe, I return to the warmth and safety of my apartment.  It is 3:30-- I am dirty, sweaty, hallucinatory, nauseous.  I shower, and drift off into an uneasy sleep.  I don't wake up until 3:30 the next afternoon.  I feel a little better; I think my fever broke during the night.  As I go outside to get the newspaper, I see the neighbors have a new window.

Everything worked out in the end.

Moral:  Don't move large pieces of furniture a.) solo, b.) while you have the flu, and c.) at odd hours of the night.