Why I Hate Telephones: A Couple of Tales from the Reservations Office

It was Friday afternoon, after 5:30.  I was the only one in the office.  The phone rang. 

It was a delightful woman who wanted to cancel her reservation.  She couldn't because a.) she had booked with hotels.com and I can't cancel those reservations--only hotels.com can.  So calling me to gripe is pointless and b.) she had a 24 cancellation deadline and she was past it.  So we argued for a while.

Now, if that were that, it would be like a dozen other calls I receive every day, nothing notable at all.  So, are you ready for the SINGLE GREATEST MISUSE OF LOGIC IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD???  ARE YOU???

Woman: Well, I don’t see why I can’t just cancel my credit card.  Then you won’t get paid anyway.  

And she hangs up.  

Really?  REALLY?  You’re going to cancel your credit card so we can’t get paid?  Does your drivers license say "fucking moron" so you can be easily identified?  Don’t you realize that you’ve ALREADY PAID for the room?  You paid for it when you booked it--that's how 3rd party internet sites work!  You paid a company who has to pay us whether they can get paid from you or not.  And, by the way, they aren’t going to let you cancel a credit card with a thousand dollar balance.  You're a fool.

I love Fridays.

The phone rings again.

JH: New Orleans Boutique Hotels 

Man: New Orleans?  I’m trying to reach a hotel in Mexico.

JH: Right. They work out of this office as well, but they’ve gone home.  You’ll have to call back on Monday.  

(Side note:  Can someone please explain to my why SO MANY PEOPLE don't understand that we share an office with the reservationists from a couple of other hotels?  That sometimes the lines get crossed and I answer a call for a customer that I can't help?  Is it actually something impossible to grasp?)

Man: Well, how do I know this is legitimate, if you're in America?

Maybe that's a simple question to answer for the people who actually work at that hotel.  I, however, do not.  So I answered...

JH: Umm...I guess you’ll have to take us at face value.

Man: Face value (his voice filled with indignation)?  How can you possibly take reservations for a hotel in Mexico if you’re in New Orleans?

JH: Well, I don’t anyway, but the people who do use the internet. (You know, that thing Al Gore invented before he invented global warming...)

At this point, despite being told that I could not help him in anyway, Man began to blurt out lots and lots of (ignorant) questions with a voice rife with loathing.  Questions that I could not answer.  Questions about the hotel.  Questions about our legitimacy.  Then, he asked me why I couldn't take a reservation for the hotel.  I tried to explain, again, that I didn't work for them.  He didn't understand--perhaps he was autistic. Regardless of his mental deficiency, I was bored with this nonsense.  I hung up.

God, that feeling of indifference you feel after you turn in your resignation notice is liberating.